


Frerard Oneshots

by aestheticiero



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, oneshots, wattpad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:49:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11640225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticiero/pseuds/aestheticiero
Summary: Taken from my wattpad account @DisenchantedFrank xoxofrankie





	1. My Lovenote Has Gone Flat

"Good morning Frankie." Frank rolls to his side to see his boyfriend stretching and yawning. He giggles quietly and kisses his cheek. "Morning Gee."  
"Did you sleep well my prince?" "Yeah I did." Frank lied and faked a smile. He hadn't slept at all. Deep depressing thoughts wouldn't let him. "I'll go take a shower." He informed Gerard, grabbed some clothes and locked himself in the bathroom, leaving Gerard with a puzzled expression at his sudden rush.

Closing and locking the door behind him, he looked at his reflection in the mirror and sighed.  
"You worthless faggot. Dad was right, you're a disgrace to the Ieros. He had every right to kick you out. If mum was alive she'd rather disown you than see her son as gay. Look at you. You're so ugly. So fat. Why would Gerard ever want you? Gerard is perfect. You're not." All his conversations in his head went something like this nearly every day.

Sighing once more, he took off his clothes and stared at the many pink scars that littered his fragile body. He was so broken he could easily fall apart like a paper tower. That's what only he saw, though. Gerard only knew about his severe depression and daily panic attacks and that was enough to keep him awake endless nights trying to talk to Frank about it. What he was missing could be the reason he could lose Frank. Gerard didn't know about Frank's existential crises. He didn't know about his self harm or his eating disorders. He didn't know about his suicidal tendencies and even attempts. About his abusive past. He only know about the endless beating he had received while in high school, not about the trouble that was going on inside his own house. His mother didn't die of cancer as he had told Gerard. It was suicide. She couldn't take the abuse her husband was unleashing on her and her child any longer and all that Frank wishes is he had joined her.

"Heaven knows I'm miserable now." Was the last thing he whispered before carefully disposing his shaving razor and taking the blade out.

Milliseconds before pressing the sharp object against his already damaged skin, Gerard knocked softly on the door, which led Frank to gasping and letting the blade hit the bathroom tiles.  
"Frankie? Are you alright in there?"  
"Yes, Gerard, what is it?" Barely came out of his mouth.  
"Well you just woke up and said you wanna take a shower right away and you've been in there for fifteen minutes and there's no water running whatsoever so I got worried.." He explained in one breath.  
Frank let out a shaky breath before finding courage to reply with "Yes I'm fine don't worry I was using the toilet, you can leave now."  
"But-"  
"I said I'm okay."

Gerard nodded sadly even if Frank couldn't see him and moved to the kitchen to make breakfast. 

Frank did take a shower and did cut himself all in ten minutes before getting dressed and joining Gerard in the kitchen, still bleeding slightly under his black sleeve. 

"Finally, baby. What do you want to eat?" Gerard asked Frank as soon as he entered the room.  
"Uhh I- nothing, really, I'm not hungry."  
"You said that yesterday too.."  
"Well I just don't want to eat anything right now okay?" Frank had gotten irritated again. He was also slightly bipolar at times, which led him to snap easily even if he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

"Frank you need to eat." Gerard replied in a more serious tone.  
"I don't though."  
"When was the last time you kept solid food down there?"  
"I-uh, it was like y-yesterday."  
"Lies."  
"I'm not lying.."his voice barely above a whisper.  
"Yes you are and you know it. You've been saying the exact same things for about a week now."  
"I'll eat lunch." Frank muttered.  
"And breakfast. Get your ass down and eat, I'll bring your coffee."

Frank couldn't argue anymore, besides, he could just sick it back up and into the toilet after he ate. So, he forced one and a half pancake down his throat and drank his coffee while chatting with Gerard, and when he found his chance, he slowly got up and excused himself.  
"I'll be right b-"  
"Sit down now."  
"Wh-what?"  
"How am I supposed to know you're not going to make yourself sick to throw it back up? You're going to stay here for at least 45 minutes."  
Frank went paler.  
"I-I wasn't going to do so..I don't have an eating disorder or something."  
"And to keep you from developing one, you're staying here."  
"F-fine."

Sooner or later noon came and so did the pizza Gerard had ordered for lunch. This time Frank knew he couldn't get away so he accepted the plate full of food Gerard had given him, despite being full and ready to throw up, since his stomach didn't accept his breakfast very well.

After eating, he didn't even reason his absence, he just got up and ran to the toilet, fully aware that Gerard now knew what he was going to do and was after him.  
"Frank, wait!"  
But it was late, as Frank had already locked the bathroom door and was getting on his knees in front of the toilet seat.  
"Frank please don't! Please come out!" Gerard's pleas didn't do anything as Frank shoved his index and middle finger down his throat and forced his meal back out and into the toilet. Gerard kept begging him to stop it and banging on the door, with no result.

Frank got up when he started spitting blood and flushed it. He brushed his teeth and wiped his eyes and tear stained cheeks, splashing water on his face and make him look presentable, not as broken as he truly was. 

When he slowly unlocked the door and left the bathroom, he found Gerard on the floor right next to the door, wiping some tears as well.

"F-Frankie.."  
Frank didn't say anything but instead ran to their shared bedroom, not bothering to lock and cried, falling headfirst on the bed. 

It had been around ten minutes until Gerard slowly pushed the door open and moved closer to his broken boyfriend, still crying his heart out. Instead of telling him how wrong his action was though, he hugged him. He hugged him like he never had before until Frank fell asleep in his warm embrace.

When he woke up he was welcomed by a panic attack, after noticing that Gerard wasn't next to him. His brain obviously had to fuck him up even more, making him believe he left him now that he knew about one more of his flaws.

After crying a bit more, he pulled himself together and walked into their lounge, where he found Gerard curled up in the couch's corner, looking sad as ever.

"Hey..you're up." He noticed.  
"I am indeed.."He paced slowly near the couch, where Gerard was now sitting normally. 

"We-we need to talk." He didn't know how else to say it, in a more indirect way cause let's face it; finding out that your partner is starving themselves and is suffering from a well hidden eating disorder is fucking big news.  
"We do?" Frank tried to get himself out of the situation he unintentionally put himself in.  
"We do Frankie and we're going to now." Despite his strict tone, concern was lacing his breaking voice.

Sighing, defeated, Frank allowed himself to fall sloppily onto the couch, waiting for Gerard's request to break up.

Nothing like that came out though. Instead,

"So..you do have an eating disorder." Frank nodded, not daring to look at him as he gazed ashamed at the floor.

"Is it anorexia?" Frank kept gazing at the floor, not wanting to reply, even though he knew he was in too deep now and there was no way he could escape telling him the truth.

"Is it anorexia, Frank?" He still hadn't raised his voice but he did get his point across, as Frank slowly nodded again and let some tears roll down his swollen cheeks.

"Fuck.."muttered Gerard before attacking him with a bone crushing hug.

"Frank, is there anything else you're hiding?" Gerard questioned, dreading the answer.  
"N-no, that's all you need to know." Frank lied.  
"Let's break it down. You have severe depression and anxiety that gives you panic attacks every day. You're anorexic" Frank cringed at the sound of that word. He hated that word. It was just another one of his flaws. "You have a dark past and have stopped taking your medication. How do you think you're going to fool me?" He continued.  
"I-I have been taking my pills."  
"Frank we both know that if I bring your bottle here it'll be full. Stop lying."  
Frank just bowed his head down and kept staring at his lap until the next thunder came out of Gerard's mouth. 

"Pull up your sleeves Frank."  
"Wh-what?"  
"You heard me. Pull up your fucking sleeves."  
"Gerard, n-no, I-I told you everything is fine."  
"Then why won't you?"  
"Cause you're accusing me for no reason."  
"Please."  
"B-but-" Frank was a whimpering mess by the moment Gerard got up and moved closer to him and tried to take a hold of his hand, Frank shaking vigorously with panic.  
"Fine! I-I'll take my shirt off." He knew he was doomed so at least he could show he was strong-willed enough to do it by himself.

He got up from the couch and removed his sweater from his body hesitantly. 

Gerard did not expect what he had just witnessed.

Gerard wanted to throw up.

"Frank, I-you-..fuck." Was all that came out. He was so fucking thin, to a quite unhealthy point for sure, this was going to take a lot of food to recover, but his arms were fucking damaged. Never did hw expect to see this on his boyfriend's body.

The rest of their night was spent crying and Frank admitting everything to Gerard, leaving nothing for himself at that point.

The next week or so went by with Gerard checking at Frank's arms twice a day, giving him that all so familiar disappointed look when he saw the self mutilation signs, trying to keep him from making himself sick and failing and staying up late at night to discuss his existential crises.

On one fateful night, Frank had had enough. 

On that night, Gerard was sleeping, thinking that Frank next to him was sleeping too.

On that night, Frank wrote his suicide letter that consisted of the so-called "I couldn't take life anymore, I love you, I'll miss you, take care. xofrank".

On that night, Frank went to the bridge they had their first date at, when they were fifteen and sixteen for Gerard, those four years ago.

On that night, Frank jumped off the bridge. 

On that night Gerard woke up to find the note next to him.

He ran to the bathroom and was surprised to find the door unlocked and the room empty. After searching the entire apartment, he left their house and went to the first place his heart thought of.

The Belleville Bridge. (Idek if thats a thing)

A beautiful sinematic bridge with the breathtaking view of a large, deep lake.

What Gerard first thought about this bridge was the endless times he had gone there with Frank and had cried over people who has jumped off they didn't even know.

He didn't forget to check for marks that Frank had been there. 

He was correct. 

On the concrete was written in a thick black font 'I love you G. xofrank.'

Gerard was tempted to jump that very moment.

He didn't. 

He kept strong for Frank.

Not too long after his funeral, Gerard found himself lost in the booze and drugs.

On October 31st, Gerard was walking along the Belleville Bridge. 

On October 31st,

Gerard jumped off the Belleville Bridge.


	2. I've lost my fear of falling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this a long time ago so I don't remember, something with suicidal!revenge!gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:Alcohol, drugs, depression, mentions of previous suicide attempts. Also should I turn this into a book?

Trigger warning:Alcohol, drugs, depression, mentions of previous suicide attempts. Also should I turn this into a book?

Warped Tour '04. My Chemical Romance is about to go on stage with their friends in The Used in twenty-three minutes. Only problem is, Gerard and Bert are nowhere to be found.

"Twenty minutes guys!" Brian, their manager, yells at the remaining members of the New Jersey punks.

"Mikey damn it why the fuck would you let him leave two hours before the show?! You know he's been an absolute mess lately!"

"Calm down Frank, he'll be here safe in time. He said he'd just go for a walk with Bert. Besides, he has his phone with him. Why don't you ring him instead of yelling at me?!"

"I fucking did Mikey! Do you really think he would answer whoever called him? Even you."

Frank grew closer and closer to having another breakdown. He was already having a panic attack and he would burst into tears in any second. It's not the first time Gerard has left for a 'walk' with Bert. It always ends up with both of them high and/or drunk out of their minds. Frank couldn't shake the image of what he had walked in to the last time Gerard had left like that.

*flashback*

The whole band had been searching for Gerard, with the help from The Used. Bert had told Frank that him and Gerard were drinking and making out, something that didn't help Frank's situation as they were secretly dating, and when he was going to a small corner store to buy more beers, Gerard was not in their tour bus anymore. Quinn and Ray were looking at all the stages, Branden, Mikey and Bob across the parking lots, and having turned Jeph and Bert's help down, Frank was running towards a place he knew was him and Gerard's only private place while on tour that had sooner or later turned into Gerard's shelter, as he thought his drunken mistakes would not be discovered there. As little romantic or surprising as it sounds, it was the campsite's bathrooms that no one ever used.

He was quick to rush inside the very last cubicle and the view made his knees weak and his jaw drop. Before him was his very own Gerard Way, with a gun pointed to his temple. The shock was apparent on Gerard's face as well, as he dropped the gun to the cold bathroom tiles.

"Frank, I-I-"  
"Save it, Gee."

Frank didn't bother to hide his tears. How could he? He had promised Frank he was doing better. He had promised Frank he wouldn't try to kill himself again. After all these failed attempts. He had been taking his medication, right? Oh who is he kidding, of course not. His alcohol and cocaine were his medication at that point. That needed to stop, but for the time being he just had to keep a closer eye on Gerard, if that's even possible and take that gun somewhere he wouldn't find it again.

As mad and disappointed as he was, he couldn't help but hug Gerard and let his tears stain his bulletproof vest. 

"We can cancel the show today you know, I don't want you feeling bad."

"But these kids came here to see My Chemical Romance and The Used, I don't want to let them down."

"Gerard you need to finally understand that your well being will always come first, even for our kids. Plus, The Used can manage on their own. We've got plenty of other shows, they won't miss the chance to see us."

"Fine, but this is the last show I will ever miss no matter what."

"If something like this happens again, yes you will."

"Fine. I will only miss a show again if I attempt suicide, but it won't happen again. I promise."

*end* 

These words burned Frank's head that moment, when he was heading to that very bathroom again, only three weeks later. This time no one noticed him storming off just minutes before the show to find the singers. He didn't care about anything other than Gerard in that moment. He was determined to find him at all costs.

Pushing people and ignoring fans, he was now crying and running towards the place that was now haunting him. He searched every single one of the cubicles and still, no Gerard in sight. He could feel himself dripping with cold sweat and going pale at the many possible options that could have happened.

He ran as fast as his legs would take him back to the guys to tell them about it but he was greeted with a high as fuck Bert there as well.

"Hey Frankie!" He got up and tried to hug him but Frank pushed him away.

"Where the fuck is Gee?!" 

"Oh I don't know, he told me to come here and perform, he wanted some time alone to practice."

"We'd been practicing for two hours idiot! Listen to me, McCracken. If anything happens to Gerard I will make my personal goal to kill you. I don't care how stoned you are or how little straight you're thinking right now, but Gerard is fucking suicidal and being left alone is never a good option, do you get me?!"

Bert just nodded, but Frank was pretty sure he was just daydreaming and not paying attention to any word that left his mouth. 

He then ran over to Brian and told him everything what had happened. He immediately got his phone out and dialed Gerard's number.

"He's not gonna pick-"

"Hello?..." he could hear a small voice through the phone after a few rings.

"Hey, Gerard..Um, the guys told me they were looking for you."

"They did?"

"They did, Gerard. Do you want to tell me where you are? I can just tell the audience we're facing some difficulties and will have a small delay. Is that okay with you?"

"...I don't wanna do the show."

Somehow, Frank heard every single one of these words and his heart sank.

"I will only miss a show again if I attempt suicide, but it won't happen again. I promise."

"Brian ask him where he is this is very important he's going to attempt again."

"Holy fu-Gerard please listen to me."

"...Okay."

"What are you holding right now?"

"N-nothing."

"Gerard, I know you're lying. What are you holding?"

"A-A bottle of pills."

"And how many of them have you taken?"

"A-A bit more than half the   bottle."

The words were harsh against Brian's ears.

"Gerard I need you to tell me where you are right now."

"N-no."

"I promise I will come there by myself and sort it out."

That honestly hurt Frank. He was Gerard's boyfriend and best friend, why tell everything to Brian and keep secrets from him? He mouthed to Brian if he could come and Brian asked Gerard that. All Frank heard was pleas and sobbing.

"Alright, I'm coming alone right now." Brian hang up after a little while and told Frank exactly what he had said.

"Frank will be mad. It's not just the pills. It's cocain too. He'll be disappointed."

Frank understood and let him go find Gerard. He told all about this to the guys who informed the technicians about the show being cancelled on MCR's perspective, and it was now time for The Used to start their set. 

It was nighttime and Brian still hadn't returned with Gerard. The two bands were enjoying themselves in the tour bus, while Frank was sat on the concrete about half a mile away, sobbing by himself. How was he supposed to save Gerard? He was in far too deep at that point to probably ever get out.

After about an hour later, he heard heavy footsteps approaching and he looked up to lock eyes with the most beautiful hazel ones he had ever witnessed. He got up and ran up to his boyfriend who mumbled a quiet and somewhat embarrassed hello and sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm sorr-"

"It's okay Gee. I'm here for you. I'm here to fix you."

So what did you think? Should I make this a full book? Pleaseee tell me. Love you all. Stay safe xo


End file.
